


The Curious Case of Robert Kim

by katzengefluster



Category: iKON (Kpop), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Crack, Gen, it technically is double b but you'd only know it by one sentence, mino & suga have bit parts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-26 12:59:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6240295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katzengefluster/pseuds/katzengefluster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bobby learns a very valuable lesson regarding diss battles in the idol world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Curious Case of Robert Kim

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ZombieCheeze](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZombieCheeze/gifts).



> Set backstage at the MAMA 2014 awards show.

“We are not leaving this building until you find him and clear things up.” Hanbin stated firmly, fingers on Bobby's forearm in a vice grip.

“Fuck, Hanbin, I'd like to have some feeling in my arm, thanks.” Bobby complained, even though he knew he shouldn't. Hanbin was firmly in _leader mode_ right now, all because of Bobby's own actions, so he knew he was pushing it by whining.

Hanbin stopped in his tracks and whipped around, narrowing his eyes dangerously at Bobby. “Don't even think about complaining,” Hanbin warned him, voice low, “Do I have to remind you who actually got yelled at for this? Do I? Here's a hint – it was me!”

“I know, I'm sorry, seriously I'm sorry.” Bobby answered, trying to sound apologetic in hopes of placating Hanbin.

It wasn't going to work, though. “As if I controlled what you chose to say on that show. I mean I wasn't even there anymore for the worst of it.” Hanbin carried on, irritated voice cutting through the background buzz of a post-show crew rushing around. Bobby was honestly kind of shocked, because Hanbin had been in a seriously good mood during the entirety of the broadcast (though Bobby thought that also probably had something to do with how much attention Jiyong had paid to him) but now that the cameras were off, Hanbin's claws came out and Bobby was in danger of getting ripped to shreds.

“I know, I'm sorry, I don't know why he didn't scold me for it—” Bobby started, but realized midway through that he was saying the wrong thing. Why didn't he just keep his mouth shut and let Hanbin rant for a bit? He was certain lasers were about to start shooting out of Hanbin's eyes any second now, the glare was so intense and a little terrifying.

“Shut up Bobby.” Hanbin commanded, and for once Bobby listened. The sooner they found their target and got this over with, the better. The problem was just that, though. Finding them.

“Why isn't there like, a map of everyone's dressing rooms?” Hanbin asked out loud, pausing between two hallways. Bobby stood silently by, deciding it would be in his best interests to keep his mouth shut and let Hanbin decide where to go. It's not like he was in a huge rush anyway to do what he was here to do. What was the point of engaging in hip hop diss battles if you were going to have to apologize for them afterwards? Besides, Bobby thought, if you were going to pick a stage name like _Rap Monster_ , you were kind of asking for it.

“Why are you grinning?” Hanbin asked him suddenly, furrowed brow framing angry eyes.

Bobby hadn't even realized he'd made the expression. “Nothing,” Bobby replied, trying not to laugh but failing, “it's just—Rap Monster,” he whispered, chuckling quietly, “it's kind of a dumb name.”

Hanbin narrowed his eyes as he stared Bobby down, irritation written all over his face. “Do not fuck this up.” He warned in a low growl, fingers digging into Bobby's arm again as he dragged him down one of the hallways. He'd chosen correctly, as suddenly a door further down the hall opened and from it emerged Jungkook and V, followed seconds later by the remaining members. Hanbin zeroed in on the group, practically dragging Bobby along after him.

Bobby tried to yank his arm out of Hanbin's grip, not wanting the senior group to see him being dragged along. “Hanbin, let go.” He pleaded, his eyes constantly on the group members quickly making their way towards him. Thankfully Hanbin relented and dropped his arm, standing to the side and allowing Bobby to pass him. As they neared the other members Bobby and Hanbin bowed politely in their direction, though Bobby's eyes were further down the hall. His target still appeared to be in the room.

Just as they approached the dressing room he appeared in the doorway, red hair a beacon for Bobby's eyes. Their gazes met and after staring for a second and thinking to himself _oh shit it's go time_ , Bobby bowed low, sending a silent prayer up in hopes that he could make it through this without laughing.

Hanbin hung back a bit and watched, not wanting to make it any more obvious that Bobby might not be doing this of his own accord. His eyes were glued to Bobby like a hawk, though, watching his every action. Hanbin couldn't help but notice the look on Rap Monster's face—was it almost cocky, like he'd been expecting this?

Bobby straightened and conjured up a bright smile on his face. “Uh, hello, Rap Monster sunbae!” 

Hanbin almost choked listening to Bobby, hiding a laugh behind a cough. He'd been expecting Bobby to start the conversation cool and maybe a little aloof, given how disinterested he'd seemed in being forced to apologize. The big smile and cute tone to his voice was the complete opposite of what Hanbin had imagined.

Namjoon, for his part, looked unimpressed (though it was a little tough, because that kid had a stupidly infectious smile). “Hi,” was his curt reply, curious to see why Bobby was here.

Undeterred by the short answer and unhappy expression, Bobby forced himself on. “Um, listen, sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to clear the air between us, because, uh, I think things got a little messy with our fans.” He began, hoping Hanbin wasn't going to get mad at anything he was saying. “I didn't mean anything personal with anything that I said, I honestly wasn't even talking about you, I mean I love Bangtan, I have huge respect for you guys!”

“Okay,” was all Namjoon gave in reply, trying his best to keep from laughing. Bobby was here to apologize? He hadn't failed to notice B.I standing a little further away, and he couldn't help but wonder whose idea this was.

“Seriously, I mean, your stuff is awesome; Danger is a jam!” Bobby went on, unable to stop rambling now that he'd started. “And, uh, your stage tonight with Block B, that shit was lit!” Bobby waited for a response, but received nothing except for a polite nod of the head. He stared Namjoon in the eye for a few seconds, a little bothered by his lack of response, thinking in his head _Yo, fuck this asshole_. “Okay well, that's all I wanted to say. So, we're cool? No beef, right?”

“No beef.” Namjoon replied coolly, barely able to keep a straight face.

“Good, that's good,” Bobby answered, flustered to the point that he bowed again. “I just wanted to make sure there were no hard feelings, because I, uh, have a lot of respect for you.” Bobby cringed as he repeated his words. This was so embarrassing.

Namjoon waited until Bobby was standing tall again and locked eyes with him. “That's nice, Robert.” 

Bobby couldn't control his face when Namjoon spoke, eyes opening wide and mouth dropping open in a perfect o of disbelief. _Robert. This asshole had just called him Robert._

Namjoon stared Bobby in the eye for a second before nodding his head and moving past him, bowing to Hanbin as he passed him. Bobby was irritated to see his partner in a full 90 degree bow, and he thought that Hanbin had better not be doing it in order to hide laughter. Just then another figure came out of BTS' dressing room and Bobby was suddenly face to face with Suga.

Suga just smiled at him for a second before nodding his head. “Good luck on your debut, Robert.” Bobby didn't even bother bowing this time, he just clenched his jaw tight in irritation. He heard Suga greet Hanbin, and again felt betrayed when Hanbin answered in a cheerful greeting.

A few seconds passed in silence, though Bobby could well hear Hanbin's muffled laughter. This was not fair, not fair at all! Just as he was about to turn around and yell at him, he heard a voice calling for them from down the hall. Bobby turned to Hanbin in a panic, pushing him against the wall to lean in and whisper in his ear. “I will let you fuck me every day for a month straight if you don't tell anyone about what just happened,” he offered, desperate for Hanbin's secrecy.

Hanbin shook his head quickly, a huge grin plastered across his face, holding up his phone so Bobby could see the message he'd just sent to iKON's group chat: _as of now bobby = robert i repeat bobby = robert!!_

“I will fucking murder you in your sleep.” Bobby growled, which only made Hanbin laugh that much harder. 

Seconds later they were joined by Mino, who was grinning as he approached them. “The hyungs sent me to look for you guys,” he explained, quickly looking between the two of them; “I saw BTS down the hall, Rap Mon looked happy. Did your apology go well?” He asked Bobby, confused when Bobby's face took on an embarrassed flush. Hanbin grabbed Mino's arm and started laughing, but before he could speak Bobby yelled at him.

“Don't you fucking dare, Kim Hanbin!”

Hanbin was undeterred. “Shut up, Robert!” 

Mino's face went from confusion to surprise to amusement in the span of two seconds before letting out a snort of laughter. “I don't even need to know the story, this is already hilarious!”

Bobby pushed past the two of them, Hanbin leaning against the wall and Mino leaning against Hanbin (both of them doubled over in laughter), stalking down the corridor. He'd never felt so betrayed by Hanbin in his life! He emerged from the hall and stopped to look around, trying to remember where their dressing room was. Unfortunately for him, BTS were standing against the wall with their managers, and Bobby suddenly found himself staring at Rap Monster again.

“Robert.” Namjoon greeted, nodding his head again, this time unable to conceal a laugh. Bobby turned and stalked off in the opposite direction, but his exit was short lived as he heard Hanbin yelling after him.

“Robert! Wait up!” Hanbin and Mino emerged from the hallway, only then noticing the BTS members to their left. Immediately Hanbin dropped Mino's arm and faced the other group, giving Rap Monster another deep 90 degree bow. “Thank you so much,” he stated amidst laughter, “this is honestly the best present I've ever gotten!”

“Absolutely, thank you!” Mino echoed, also bowing before turning to yell after Bobby. “Robert wait, you're going to the wrong way!” Mino grabbed Hanbin's hand and together they took off running after Bobby, their laughter audible down the length of the hall.

Namjoon watched them go with a fond smile, pleased at the outcome of the situation. He'd been tempted at first to respond to Bobby's apology with kindness and an offer of friendship, but the second he'd thought about teasing him, he hadn't been able to resist.

“I think this counts as a victory for you?” Suga stated, standing next to him and watching the YG rappers run off down the hall.

Namjoon nodded. “I believe it does.”


End file.
